Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
