Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Mom said you looked used
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
