i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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