So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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