Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
