I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The feeling are messing with the penis
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
