I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
