i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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