My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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