I think I am morally bankrupt
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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