All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
