Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
