I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
