I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
