I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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