i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
