I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
