i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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