Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
