I cockslap morals
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
