it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
