I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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