I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
