Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
