i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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