I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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