I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
