dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
