Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your shirt... Was in my pants
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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