Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
