i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
As shirtless as possible
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
