State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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