I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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