I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
