We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
