Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
