Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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