Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
