He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
