if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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