i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
