why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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