he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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