Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
