How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
