It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
