I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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