My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
