So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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