I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
