dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
