: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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